[Sonadar]

I was talking to my wife today after our son got sent home early from school for swearing.

I said 'Apparently, he said the 'c' word'
...
She said 'Well that wasn't clever was it?'

I replied 'No...it was 'cunt'.'


I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai chick.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

But she did.


Some universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That's pretty sexist, but then I realised we do have Men Studies.

It's called History.


As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little Emo cunt sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'


My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.